{"id":2741,"date":"2018-10-03T10:53:14","date_gmt":"2018-10-03T14:53:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/?p=2741"},"modified":"2018-10-03T10:55:26","modified_gmt":"2018-10-03T14:55:26","slug":"the-search-for-carrion-crow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/?p=2741","title":{"rendered":"The Search for Carrion Crow…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Shortly after his most recent blogpost, dated August 19th, my friend and co-miniatures enthusiast Carrion Crow<\/a> mysteriously vanished from the blogosphere. He left behind no trace.<\/p>\n

After several weeks with no sign, I grew concerned. After a month, I was in a full panic. I dispatched search parties to find him. Only one man returned; bloody, disheveled, incoherent and clearly mad. I barely had time to press some cold water to his lips before he gave a final shudder and died. I marveled he was able to make it back to me in such a state.<\/p>\n

Upon looting his corpse, I found a dog-eared and ratty notebook in his pocket. Amid the scribblings and diagrams of an unhinged mind I was able to piece together the following theories as to my friend’s whereabouts:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. He is currently leaping about on the planet Barsoom, sword in one hand and the willowy, slender waist of a beautiful Martian princess held tightly in the other,\u00a0 a wild smile on his lips and the love of battle in his heart.<\/li>\n
  2. He is currently trapped in a neon, digital reality, where he is forced daily to duel Bruce Boxlitener with illuminated discuses.<\/li>\n
  3. He is in an extra-dimensional, mythical city preparing himself to battle an ancient dragon so that he may absorb and channel its power, making his fist “like unto a thing of iron”.<\/li>\n
  4. He is travelling through time portals in the company of a band of robber dwarfs, who are fleeing a superior being from whom they have stolen the map of Time itself.<\/li>\n
  5. He is being held against his will in a remote coastal village, where he is under constant threat of being pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    One of these is almost certainly true. Personally, having come to know the Crow’s ways over the last couple of years, I feel strongly that it is #1. Thus, when I look skyward at the red planet, it is with no small amount of envy.<\/p>\n

    May you return safely and in your own time, my friend.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Shortly after his most recent blogpost, dated August 19th, my friend and co-miniatures enthusiast Carrion Crow mysteriously vanished from the blogosphere. He left behind no trace. After several weeks with no sign, I grew concerned. After a month, I was in a full panic. I dispatched search parties to find him. Only one man returned; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[59],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-wtf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2741"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2741\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2747,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2741\/revisions\/2747"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}