{"id":5964,"date":"2022-07-29T07:22:17","date_gmt":"2022-07-29T11:22:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/?p=5964"},"modified":"2022-07-29T07:22:17","modified_gmt":"2022-07-29T11:22:17","slug":"fantastic-four-job-interview-the-crimson-hound","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/?p=5964","title":{"rendered":"Fantastic Four Job Interview: The Crimson Hound"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Mr. Fantastic (MF):<\/strong> Hello there! Welcome. Thanks for coming in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Crimson Hound (CH):<\/strong> Thanks. Glad to be here. I…uh…thought there were four of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF: <\/strong>The Invisible Woman isn’t here at the moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Human Torch (HT):<\/strong> Or…IS SHE??? Ha ha ha!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> So…Crimson Hound. We’re looking for a fourth member, someone who can fill in for Ben here when he takes one of his sabbaticals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Like when he gets all whiny and leaves the group to sulk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thing (T):<\/strong> Whatever. It ain’t easy bein’ me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Or when he needs to go “find himself” on some alien planet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> That happened once. Sue me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Or when he wants to follow his dream and be a professional wrestler…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Ha! You guys are cute together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> Whaddya mean, “together”?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Yeah, what’s that supposed to mean?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> I only thought…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> Think again, bozo!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Yeah, think again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Look, there’s nothing wrong with–<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> Shuddup and get yer feet off the table! Ain’t ya got no manners?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Oh. Sure. Sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> Let’s focus on what’s important: Ben’s replacement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> REPLACEMENT?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> Usually, we ask She-Hulk to step in, but…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> She got too big fer us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Stopped answering her phone when she got a TV show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Huh. Right. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> So, assuming we get this vampire business cured, when can you start?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Cured? You can cure me?!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> Undoubtedly. I’m pretty sure I have already figured out how. I am embarassingly intelligent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> But the vampire thing is what gives me my powers!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> Oh. I see. Well, we can’t have you feeding on people’s blood. I own the patents on several dozen formulae for synthetic plasma, both terran and non-terran. I’m sure we can find something suitable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

T:<\/strong> Welcome to the team!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

HT:<\/strong> Don’t touch my stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Wow! Thanks! I really need this job…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> We’ll get your hiring bonus, health and dental package squared away and show you to your luxury penthouse quarters here in the Baxter Building. There’s just one more restriction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong>…what’s that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> You cannot, under any circumstances, make any jokes, implications or double-entendres about my powers and how far I can stretch my…well, I’m sure you know. Understood?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong> Wait…not ever?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF:<\/strong> Never.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH:<\/strong>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

MF: <\/strong>Well?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

CH: <\/strong>Nah. This isn’t gonna work. Thanks for your time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bruno still hasn’t posted any new Crimson Hound content. He deserves this.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mr. Fantastic (MF): Hello there! Welcome. Thanks for coming in. Crimson Hound (CH): Thanks. Glad to be here. I…uh…thought there were four of you. MF: The Invisible Woman isn’t here at the moment. Human Torch (HT): Or…IS SHE??? Ha ha ha!!! MF: So…Crimson Hound. We’re looking for a fourth member, someone who can fill in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[58,3,10,31,84,134,25],"tags":[128,28,60,16],"class_list":["post-5964","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-conversions","category-miniatures","category-pulp","category-repaints","category-role-playing-games","category-rpg-characters","category-super-heroes","tag-chronoscope","tag-heroclix","tag-knight-models","tag-reaper"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5964","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5964"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5964\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5969,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5964\/revisions\/5969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5964"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5964"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/angrypiper.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5964"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}