Continuing with my year of pop culture, I decided to finally paint a set of miniatures I’ve had for at least ten years, “Action Dude” by East Riding Miniatures; from their Golgo Island line (which I now think is owned, or at least managed, by Hasslefree).
“Action Dude” is a set of four miniatures who are obviously NOT Chuck Norris. First up is Chuck as Colonel James Braddock, from his “Missing in Action” film franchise. In the first film, Braddock, a Vietnam veteran, returns to Vietnam to free POWs who are still being held captive (kinda like Rambo). In the second film, the timeline flashes back to when Braddock himself was a POW; and shows how he escapes (by killing all the guards, and beating Soon Tek Oh, the commandant, in hand-to-hand combat). The third film, Braddock returns once again to Vietnam; this time to find and rescue his son whom he unknowingly fathered while over there the first time. Here’s the trailer for Missing in Action III, in which Braddock delivers the greatest movie line ever, which is also the title of this post.
Next is Chuck as Colt, from Way of the Dragon (released as Return or the Dragon here in the US). This one doesn’t end well for Action Dude; but then again, he is fighting Bruce Lee, so that’s to be expected. Enjoy this classic fight, and remember to manscape every once in a while, lest someone pull out a fistful of your manly, 1970’s wookie-like chest hair.
Invasion U.S.A. is hands-down one of the shittiest action movies ever to come out of the 80’s, and that is truly an exceptional distinction. Chuck, as Matt Hunter, wears a lot of denim in this movie and carries twin Mac-10 submachineguns in a shoulder rig that he likes so much, he doesn’t bother to take the guns out of it while he kills people with them. The movie features Richard Lynch who really stretches his acting muscles (and injures himself terribly) when he attempts to affect a Russian accent. He’s the leader of an “army” made up of international terrorists and other assorted assholes who would, conceivably, succeed in invading the USA if not for Action Dude himself. Watch the trailer below. It looks like this terrorist army is made up of about 87 guys, against the entire US military. We’re fucked!
Finally, here’s Chuck from arguably his most famous role, “Walker, Texas Ranger”. I never watched Walker regularly, but I’ve seen enough episodes to know that they follow a pretty standard formula, much like the old A-Team or Incredible Hulk TV series. In those, there would usually be two fights per episode, and at least one of them would end up with Mr. T or the Hulk throwing someone in slow-motion over a car or into some collapsible set pieces. Substitute a patented Chuck Norris roundhouse kick for the throw, and you pretty much have the same thing. The best part of Walker, Texas Ranger is that Chuck Norris sang the theme song. If you didn’t know that, you can hear it for yourself below. And you’re welcome.
That’s a heapin’ helpin’ of pop culture for ya this time around; but I’m just getting started! The year is still young.