Run. Run, as Fast as You Can! A Super Mission Force AAR (Kind Of)

The Crimson Hound killed Santa Claus two years ago, and since then, the residents of Glumengrad had continued to celebrate Christmas as if nothing happened. Most of them didn’t believe in Santa Claus anyway, so no one really missed him when he was gone for good. But such a fat, jolly vacuum cannot remain empty long. Someone would try to step into the black, buckled boots of the now deceased St. Nick, and the Crimson Hound made it his business to keep tabs on the main players in town.

Now, it seemed one had made his move: the Gingerbread Man.

The Crimson Hound watched from his perch atop a conveniently-placed gargoyle as the Gingerbread Man directed his henchmen to load up the postal truck with stolen presents. The Crimson Hound wondered what it would be like to receive a present, but no one had ever given the Crimson Hound a gift before. He thought it might be nice to receive new, custom grips for his pistols or a form-fitted Kevlar breastplate, or even a bag of blood he didn’t have to drain from some evildoer. His eyes narrowed behind crimson lenses when he thought about all the disappointed citizens of Glumengrad who would wake up on Christmas morning to nothing under the tree, because of the greed of the Gingerbread Man.

That would not do. The Crimson Hound leaped down from his gargoyle perch, landing atop a stack of extra-large, brightly wrapped gifts. He had no way of knowing what was in the boxes before he jumped, or whether they would support the weight of a muscular man in an armored suit who was dropping from three stories above. They didn’t, but they did break his fall. Loudly.

“Ah, shit,” said the Crimson Hound, emerging from beneath a stack of crushed presents and torn wrapping paper.

“It’s the Crimson Hound!” screamed the Gingerbread Man , in a high, piping voice reminiscent of a cartoon mouse. The Crimson Hound winced. That voice was tough to take. He looked upon the Gingerbread Man’s henchmen with newfound sympathy, until he noticed some of them looked familiar.

“Some of you look familiar,” said the Crimson Hound.

“We used to work for Santa,” one of them said. “We’re the ones left that you didn’t eat, you bloodsucking freak.”

You might think the Crimson Hound would not be hurt by the words of a common thug. But the Crimson Hound has feelings, too. He frowned. “I didn’t actually eat anyone. Just tore open their necks and drank their blood.”

“Never mind that!” said the Gingerbread Man, causing the Crimson Hound to wince anew. “I’m ready for you! Now you will taste the true power of my Candy Cane Lance!”

“Looks like someone’s been tasting it already,” said the Crimson Hound.

“You have to lick it to make it sharp!” said the Gingerbread Man. He gave it a demonstrative lick. “See?”

The Crimson Hound shook his head at how ridiculous his life seemed to become when his creator neglected to produce new Chronicles of the Crimson Hound content on his YouTube channel. “So that’s it’s power? It’s sharp? Ooooooooo. I’m gonna shove that candy cane up your ass, dude.”

“The joke’s on you, Crimson Hound!” giggled the Gingerbread Man. “I’m a sentient cookie! I don’t have an anus!”

“Not yet,” said the Crimson Hound. He smiled.

The Gingerbread Man’s mouth formed a prefect, icing O of surprised horror. “Get him!”

The Crimson Hound leaped upon the henchmen, moving through them like a red wave of death. He struck out left and right. Bones crunched. Teeth shattered. Blood sprayed. In a moment he was the only one left standing.

Game note: This was the single fastest round of Super Mission Force I’ve ever played. The Crimson Hound won initiative and charged the henchmen group, inflicting 4 wounds, dropping 4 henchmen. The remaining henchman responded, but the Crimson Hound’s Reflection power allowed him to do 2 more damage to his attacker, effectively wiping out the entire group in 1 round. Damn.

The Crimson Hound looked around at the crumpled bodies of the Gingerbread Man’s henchmen. “Well, that was surprisingly quick.”

The Gingerbread Man dropped his Candy Cane Lance and turned to flee. “Run, run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Ma–URK!”

The Crimson Hound proved that he could, in fact, catch the Gingerbread Man; and he did, gripping the Gingerbread Man by his throat, or at least where his throat would be if he had a neck. “You were saying?” The Hound bared his fangs. “Time to see what all the fuss is about, Cookie-Puss.”

“WAIT!” choked the Gingerbread Man.

“Nope” said the Hound, opening his mouth.

“WAIT!” begged the Gingerbread Man.

The Hound stopped. “Dude, I already said no.”

“But if you eat me, you’ll never know about the Master Plan!”

The Crimson Hound sighed. He really wanted to eat the Gingerbread Man, because he was hungry and because the Gingerbread Man smelled delicious; but mostly because the Gingerbread Man was really fucking annoying. “OK, I’ll bite,” the Hound said, smiling at his own pun. “What Master Plan?”

“The one to resurrect Santa Claus!”

Dwarvember 2023 Windup

November draws to a close, and with it, my first Dwarvember painting challenge. It was a modest field of participants this year, but some really great submissions, so I certainly can’t complain. For my own efforts, I fell a bit short (Ha! See what I did there?). I planned on painting 3 dwarfs, but only managed 2. Considering they’re the only 2 miniatures I painted all month, I’ll take it as a win.

First, some old-school lead, courtesy of Ral Partha and Bob Olley, circa 1990. This dwarf has some character! Outside of Tolkien, you just don’t see too many dwarfs armed with broadswords; it’s usually hammers or axes or (God forbid) double-bladed axes. Know what I think of ridiculous double-bladed axes?

This look says it all.

Next, a Reaper miniature sculpted by Werner Klocke: Hagar, Dwarven Hero (77482). This one is Bones plastic. He’s also about twice the size of the older Ral Partha sculpt above.

I usually don’t have a hard time with eyes, but painting the eyes on this miniature was pretty challenging. Maybe it’s the shape of the face itself. I just couldn’t get it to look right, so after about six tries, I just said the hell with it. The helmet provides enough overhang that his sockets would be shadowed, anyway.

But what of the others who picked up brush and paint (and in Dave’s case, sculpting medium!) and joined me in this challenge? You remember them, don’t you? What have they done?

  • Snapfit, from Da Green Horde; did Heckarr and Jeckarr, two “dwarfs” from the Orcquest game; something I’ve never personally heard of, but you can’t argue with his results!
  • Mike, a.k.a. Sasquatch, from the @sasquatchminis Instagram account; painted two versions of GW’s iconic White Dwarf himself, one is the original sculpt from the late 70’s, early 80’s; the other is the 30th anniversary edition! (I had that miniature once, but I sold it. Dumb!)
  • Comrade, from Comrade’s Wargames; (submission pending)
  • Dave Stone, from Wargames Terrain Workshop; not only painted a dwarf, he sculpted it first, in true Dave fashion…and it’s none other than ME!!!! Well, not really me, but a great likeness of my avatar, the red-bearded dwarf piper. (In real life, I look nothing like my avatar.) Dave even got the highland bagpipes right, which (believe me) doesn’t always happen among sculptors in our hobby.

Be sure to visit these sites and check out the work of these folks yourself. You won’t be disappointed. I will post the remaining submissions once I get word of them!

Maybe I’ll get to that third dwarf in December…

Dwarvember 2023

Well, for the first inaugural Dwarvember painting challenge, the field appears somewhat sparse. Taking part thus far, we have four painters:

Well, lads, it’s up to us it seems. Although reinforcements are welcome, we can’t rely upon them. Let’s do our best! (Says the guy who had a dismal Orctober…)

Lest anyone wonder if I painted that unit of Black Tree Dwarf Warriors, I did. I just painted them way back in February, 2018, so they don’t count for Dwarvember. Nothing quite so ambitious planned this year, I’m afraid…but I hope to have three Dwarfs done by month’s end.

Let’s get painting beards!

Two Out of Nine Ain’t Bad

Orctober comes to an end and what do I have to show for it? Two orcs.

If you recall, I was intending to paint this entire classic Grenadier Orcs’ Lair set last month. Sadly, I ran out of gas about halfway through and couldn’t get back into gear. The wheels fell off this project of mine, and my motivation engine stalled. I could maybe come up with more vehicular metaphors, but basically I lost interest and gave up.

I did manage to complete two, however: this Orc Captain and the Standard Bearer. If you count the standard (it takes up its own slot in the box), then I painted three.

The problem was the skin tone. I didn’t want to go green; I was looking for a more “Tolkien-esque” orc; so I YouTubed a few videos on how to paint orc skin for the GW LOTR game. I found a few good tutorials that utilize Camoshade, Sepia or Agrax Earthshade washes over an Ivory base, and I used them. The problem is, in the end they all kind of look the same no matter which wash is used. There’s not much variety.

Since orcs aren’t known for being snappy dressers, most of their kit is dull colors as well. This just looks terrible with the pale skin tone I chose, and I couldn’t see past how the models looked in the moment to what they might look like at the end. I got bored and moved on to other things, none of them paint-related.

The remaining seven orcs in the box have all been based and base-coated, and they’re presently sitting on my desk in the side-pile, so maybe I’ll clean them up in December, my traditional side-pile month. Or maybe not.

Anyway, Dwarvember kicks off today, and it’s looking to be a somewhat subdued challenge. I’ll post the official participant list in a few days, just in case more folks want to throw in. If interested, let me know in the comments or email me at angrypiper@angrypiper.com.

Dwarvember is coming!

Next month I am hosting a new painting challenge, featuring my favorite fantasy race of all time, Dwarfs!!!! This intentionally coincides with Movember, the annual men’s health awareness month during which men (and women, I suppose) grow our moustaches to draw attention to men’s health issues, such as prostate and testicular cancer, both of which are really shitty things to have; as well as mental health issues, such as depression and suicide, also not fun.

I cannot grow a moustache. I mean, I can; but I won’t. I hate facial hair and I can’t abide growing mine for more than a week before I start to itch abominably. I grew it out for a month once and had dreams of burning it off my face with a blowtorch. These dreams were not nightmares. Dwarves, on the other hand, love facial hair; and I love Dwarves, almost to a disturbing degree. Although I can’t (meaning won’t) grow facial hair, I can definitely paint a dwarf. And so can you!

THE “RULES”: What is Dwarvember? Why, it’s the month you paint Dwarfs (or Dwarves), of course. Any Dwarf will do, he or she doesn’t have to be strictly a fantasy miniature, either. Sci-fi Dwarfs are welcome! So grab your Grymn or Squats or Forge Fathers if you want. Come to think of it, drop by Wargames Terrain Workshop and pick up some Cowboy Dwarfs if you like. They’re cool too! Dwarfs may be any scale and from any manufacturer. I will link to your stuff throughout the month, and (if it’s not there already) add your blog/website/social media to the blogroll on the side! If you don’t have a site of your own and still want to participate, I’ll happily host your pictures here and ensure you get proper attribution!

How many Dwarfs you paint is up to you. The minimum is one, of course; but feel free to do as many as you like. The only caveat is that they get painted sometime in November.

I’m gonna hit the pile of shame and see what I can find…I know I’ve quite a few of the short fellows around here somewhere. Hoping to do at least 3, but may end up doing more than that. Who knows?

As for Orctober, I’ve stalled a bit. Only two of the Grenadier set completed so far, with seven more to go. Will I finish by the end of October? Maybe, maybe not.

If you want to participate in Dwarvember, drop me a line here in the comments!

Orctober 2023 and a NEW challenge on the horizon…

I’ve never really participated in the yearly “Orctober” challenge before, wherein one paints orcs during the month of October. This year I figured I’d give it a shot. I have no idea who is hosting this challenge (I assume there is more than one person), so this isn’t a formal thing for me. I just feel like painting some orcs.

Contrary to what 90% of participants choose to paint, I will not be painting any orcs made by Games Workshop. Although I have a veritable assload of 40K Orks in metal and in plastic (still on the sprue, in most cases), I am choosing to indulge myself in some old-school lead once again.

Behold! One of the first miniature sets I ever purchased, back when I was a wee lad just learning to play Red Box D&D. I painted these guys before, way back in the 80’s, using my tried (and failed) Testor’s enamel paints, which of course looked hideous. I stripped them about 15 years ago, intending to paint them again someday. That someday has arrived.

Pretty sure the date on the bottom is 1981; which fits with the classic gold-box era of Grenadier. No idea who sculpted these, but my money is on Andrew Chernak. Oddly enough, orcs in D&D back then were depicted as the classic, pig-faced variety; but these are more simian in appearance, kind of like the flying monkeys of Oz. Anyway, I like them.

Although, 40+ years later I still have a full set, this fellow lost his axe-head at some point. I gave him a new one from the bitz box.

I figured if I actually posted about my painting goal this month, it might motivate me to, you know, actually DO it. Here’s hoping I break out of this slump!

Also: I’m hoping to host another painting challenge next month in honor of Movember, the month where men everywhere grow their facial hair to support men’s health. Well, men other than me, anyway. I hate facial hair. I cannot grow a beard for longer than two weeks without wanting to claw it off my face. BUT…I do love Dwarfs, and dwarfs love facial hair. Sooooooo…

DWARVEMBER, anyone?

Septemb-ogre

Another month gone, and little to show for it, hobby-wise. My attention has been focused elsewhere lately, which is why you have not seen hide nor hair of me here or on other blogs this month. I’m hoping to get back into rotation soon and maybe even resume some paint -hangs on the Discord server.

This month, a select few elites (including myself) in the hobby community got early access to a bespoke ogre miniature sculpted by Dave Stone over at Wargames Terrain Workshop, created specifically for September’s painting challenge, where we’re all painting the same miniature. Although I’m kidding about the “elites” thing, I am happy to have been part of this challenge, and as the month passed, I realized I’d best get off my ass and start painting. Don’t want to disappoint Dave, after all…

Here is the miniature in question, and man is he lovely (for an ogre). Dave really pulled out the stops on this guy. I like the tusk epaulette and the shields the ogre has used as armor, likely taken from foolish knights who tried to slay him.

I added a few embellishments of my own, using some GW zombie bits, and I took a page out of Roger’s book when I added some bloodstains to the stone axe.

With so much bare skin, some tattoos were in order. I hate free-handing anything because I generally suck at it, so I kept the designs simple. Just a skull on his shoulder, the dags around his navel, and the coloring around the eye.

My iPhone shows all, including the little spot of white that shouldn’t be there. Curses!

If you missed out on this miniature so far, fret not: Dave will be selling him to the rest of the world after this month. Be sure to check out his webstore for this and many other cool miniatures!

Season of Scenery: The Dragon’s Graveyard

The 4-7 of you who visit this blog regularly may have been wondering what has become of me, as I haven’t been posting very much. Two things have contributed to my absence. At the end of July, I went on vacation and returned with Covid. The less said about the actual vacation the better, as it wasn’t one I wanted to go on in the first place, and one on which I thoroughly expected to get Covid. Guess what? I got it.

I’d managed to avoid Covid thus far, and I am fully vaccinated and boosted; but there are some things you can’t avoid, especially when you are surrounded by people who think Covid is “all done” and it’s time to party like it’s 1999. (I’ve avoided getting bitten by a lion so far, too; but I never actually put my hand in a lion’s mouth, and if I did, I would hardly be surprised if I got bit.) I take some comfort in the fact that this isn’t the Covid of two years ago, so I never felt in any danger of dying. But let me tell you, Covid fucking sucks. I haven’t been right in a month, and I still feel like shit. Hence, not much in the way of hobbying (or anything else, really).

The other reason is I’ve been playing Ghost of Tsushima. As weak and lethargic as I am in real life, I am still fully able to hold a PS5 controller in my hand, which means I am still fully capable of drawing my katana and slicing a bandit in half, all in one motion, and then watching his friends run away like the honorless dogs they are. It never gets old. I know this because I have literally killed hundreds of bandits in this manner, then casually flicked the blood off my sword before returning it to its sheath. I’m not bored yet.

BUT…it’s the Season of Scenery, and the god of scenery, Dave Stone, must be appeased. Covid is not an excuse that will fly with Dave. He’s already calling my house in the middle of the night. There are unmarked helicopters circling my home. If I don’t get something done, I’m doomed.

Behold: The Dragon’s Graveyard! A resin piece by Dave himself, available through Wargames Terrain Workshop. I picked it up along with the model Dave sculpted for next month’s challenge. I painted the ground with a mix of Craftsmart Brown and Black before highlighting it with some GW Mournfang Brown and XV-88 before finally giving it a drybrush of Ivory. The bones were painted with the Reaper Bone Triad, and the rocks were painted with Reaper Dusky Skin Shadow and highlighted with GW Dawnstone and Administratum Grey. I added some tufts and that’s about it. It was a nice day yesterday, so I painted this piece outside, even though I usually enjoy sunlight about as much as your average vampire.

“OK, guys…get ready. That dragon’s lair is around here somewhere. Soon we’ll be swimming in gold…awww, shit.”

That’s probably all I’m doing for the Season of Scenery this year, although who knows? Looking forward to next month’s challenge!

Season of Scenery 2023: Assets and Hazards

Dave Stone’s Season of Scenery started July 1st, and I’m determined to do SOMETHING this year after sitting out 2022. A while back, I purchased these “Assets and Hazards” objectives from Gale Force 9, for their Aliens: Another Glorious Day in the Corps board game that I still have yet to play (much like almost all the board games I purchased during the pandemic). They’ve been sitting in the box on the sprue ever since, even though I painted all the marine and xenomorph miniatures almost 2 full years ago!

Well, now they’re done. The box contains 16 Weyland-Yutani supply crates, 6 MU-TH-ER computer terminals, 8 alien eggs, 2 sentry guns and 2 face-huggers. Now everything is painted and I have no excuse whatsoever not to play this game. Just need some friends, is all…

One major quibble with this set: there are only 2 face-huggers, and they are fucking fragile as hell, because whoever sculpted them decided standing them on their tail would be a good idea. This is a weak point of contact and is easily prone to breakage. I know because 50% of my face-huggers broke and needed to be repaired. They have 8 fucking legs and run around like spiders. Why not sculpt them like that? That way they won’t break!!!! It’s simple physics, GF9!!!! (mutter mumble grumble).

I plan on completing another project in August, but I just wanted to get this one in the books. Not the most exciting terrain to paint, but it was a quick and easy job and I’m glad it’s done.

Forgotten Heroes Redux: The Hypno-Hustler

Last year, one of my submissions for Forgotten Heroes was the Disco Superfly himself, The Hypno-Hustler. He’s been sitting in my display case since last June, and every time I looked at him, I wasn’t happy. Although I think I did a pretty decent job of converting a Booster Gold miniature into the Hustler, two things in particular bothered me: his base and his bass.

I sculpted his bass guitar from green stuff, and like most things I sculpt, it looks mediocre at best. I searched for a suitable guitar bit first, but the best one I could find came from a British company called Zealot miniatures, and it didn’t make sense to buy it just to pay twice as much shipping it to me. Now, though, through my shadowy network of global operatives, I’ve been able to procure one at last! (OK, it was through the kindness of Dave Stone, a shadowy, international man of mystery if ever there was one.)

With that out of the way, I set about fixing the Hustler. The other thing that bothered me was his base. I wasn’t going to put the Hustler on regular ground, so I attempted to make it look like a spotlight on stage. It didn’t really do the trick. So, I added another base and repainted it a simple white, so he looks like he’s on a 1970’s disco round.

Because this base obviously looks like shit, I will remove the Hustler and use spray paint instead to cover up the brush strokes. Then I will re-mount him. I didn’t have time to do this before the end of the month, but rest assured, it will happen. And that’s about it. By giving him a new bass and a new base, I think he’s now done for real, and a fitting end to Forgotten Heroes this year.