Mr. Fantastic (MF): Hello there! Welcome. Thanks for coming in.
Crimson Hound (CH): Thanks. Glad to be here. I…uh…thought there were four of you.
MF: The Invisible Woman isn’t here at the moment.
Human Torch (HT): Or…IS SHE??? Ha ha ha!!!
MF: So…Crimson Hound. We’re looking for a fourth member, someone who can fill in for Ben here when he takes one of his sabbaticals.
HT: Like when he gets all whiny and leaves the group to sulk.
Thing (T): Whatever. It ain’t easy bein’ me.
HT: Or when he needs to go “find himself” on some alien planet.
T: That happened once. Sue me.
HT: Or when he wants to follow his dream and be a professional wrestler…
CH: Ha! You guys are cute together.
T: Whaddya mean, “together”?
HT: Yeah, what’s that supposed to mean?
CH: I only thought…
T: Think again, bozo!
HT: Yeah, think again!
CH: Look, there’s nothing wrong with–
T: Shuddup and get yer feet off the table! Ain’t ya got no manners?
CH: Oh. Sure. Sorry.
MF: Let’s focus on what’s important: Ben’s replacement.
MF: Usually, we ask She-Hulk to step in, but…
T: She got too big fer us.
HT: Stopped answering her phone when she got a TV show.
CH: Huh. Right.
MF: So, assuming we get this vampire business cured, when can you start?
CH: Cured? You can cure me?!
MF: Undoubtedly. I’m pretty sure I have already figured out how. I am embarassingly intelligent.
CH: But the vampire thing is what gives me my powers!
MF: Oh. I see. Well, we can’t have you feeding on people’s blood. I own the patents on several dozen formulae for synthetic plasma, both terran and non-terran. I’m sure we can find something suitable.
T: Welcome to the team!
HT: Don’t touch my stuff.
CH: Wow! Thanks! I really need this job…
MF: We’ll get your hiring bonus, health and dental package squared away and show you to your luxury penthouse quarters here in the Baxter Building. There’s just one more restriction.
MF: You cannot, under any circumstances, make any jokes, implications or double-entendres about my powers and how far I can stretch my…well, I’m sure you know. Understood?
CH: Wait…not ever?
CH: Nah. This isn’t gonna work. Thanks for your time.
Bruno still hasn’t posted any new Crimson Hound content. He deserves this.